We all know The Golden Rule, right? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Simple but not always easy.
Before we go any further, I am aware that The Golden Rule doesn’t actually appear in the Bible. It is often confused for a Biblical quote but it isn’t actually. It does sum up nicely the basics of the ethics of reciprocity which is found in Judaism, Christianity, and a number of other belief systems. In Christianity and Judaism you can find a very similar principle in the Book of Leviticus.
You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinsfolk. Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.
Leviticus 19:18
Later in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is and he responds that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord and the second greatest is to love your neighbor, referencing Leviticus.
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40
What does all this have to do with Role-playing Games? That’s a fair question. Let’s see if I have a fair answer.
If you poke around the RPG channels on Youtube or the RPG blogosphere for any length of time you will find videos and articles with titles like, Five Kinds of Awesome Players or Eight Traits of Terrible Players. They’re ubiquitous and they are often interesting and entertaining, if a bit repetitive at times. Essentially they are saying, “Hey! If you want to be a good player,. do these things and don’t do these other things.”
My only real quibble with these kinds of lists is that they often miss the forest for the trees, to be a little cliché about it. All the very specific behaviors, often specific to a particular game, are just examples of a singular axiom, The Golden Rule. Love your fellow player. Do to them what you would like them to do for you.
Look around your table. Observe the activities and parts of play that really jazz your fellow players. Then look for ways to facilitate that. Don’t assume what they like in the game is the same as what you like. Really watch them and figure out what excites them. Invest in that to give them the best experience at the table they can get. Let me see if I can give an example.
Let’s say I’m one of those really tactical players that likes to optimize my character and really focus on cool usage of the game’s systems, particularly in combat. My friend across the table is definitely not that. They like the social side of the game; interacting with the NPCs and getting involved in the the politics and issues of the setting.
When the social scenes come up and my fellow player is engaged in diplomacy, deception, or intrigue, I essentially have three options. First, I could jump in, hijack the scene and attempt to win in the situation as efficiently as possible through the effective use of the game system. Second, I could check out of the game for a bit, leaving the other player to proceed while I looked through my email on my phone. Third, I could engage with the scene while letting my friend take the lead by cheering them on, offering appropriate suggestions, and backing them up when needed.
Do we really need to belabor which of those options is the best? I hope not. The thing is, if my fellow player is socially and emotionally mature, choosing the third option will yield a very high probability of them reciprocating the same behavior when the game comes to the parts I really enjoy.
I’ve been playing these games for decades now. I can say with absolute certainty that the best games are the ones where each player at the table is invested in making sure their fellow players have the best time they can. When I sit down at a gaming table, I want to lean into the Golden Rule and treat my fellow gamers with genuine interest and a desire for them to have a great experience. I want everyone who sits at my table to act the same way.
